I just finished the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary on the Hillsborough Disaster. All I am left with, is an overwhelming sadness. Just waves of tears, and hurt, and sorrow.
I have mentioned before, in a previous post on here, that I vaguely recall hearing about the Heysel Disaster on the news, in 1985. That I vaguely recall the concept of the football hooligan being discussed on television in the US. That I vaguely recall brief soundbytes about topics of this nature.
My club affiliation doesn't matter, when it comes to events like this. It's appalling, galling even, that a tragedy of this magnitude could occur. But it leaves me with pause, thankful to think that nothing like this has ever happened in the US, that recalls this horrific event. I cannot fathom, nor even conceptualise how it would have felt to live in the same nation, or region, as such an event. Much less, understand how it must feel to grow up in its shadow. The spectre looming just over the horizon. The proverbial elephant in the room, that has an influence that ripples out beyond the perceivable imagination.
If you have not seen the documentary, it can be found here. It is a documentary that must be seen. I cannot do justice to everything it covers, or relates to. It's that encompassing. And that important an event, that it has shaped so much of modern football.
As I was watching the documentary on YouTube, I was having a passing conversation with my friend Martin, on Facebook. We discussed the manipulations, and distortions that I had been acclimatised to believe. The misinformation that was available to me, in the US, for many years; and how it had shaped my understanding of the event. And just how damned painful the whole tragedy was. The conversation also addressed a few notions I had, relating to the mayhem in Rome in 1984, and Heysel in 1985, and how they factored into what happened. It's one thing to discuss this event with a football supporter from the US. It's another thing to discuss it with a football supporter from the Home Nations. And for that, I am eternally grateful to have the opportunity to have my notions disproven.
I had wanted to watch this special, the night it originally aired. The night of the 25th anniversary of Hillsborough. Due to my own emotional upheaval relating to the pending birth of my son, at that point, I felt it would be in my best interest to postpone watching the documentary. Especially after having a very visceral, gutteral reaction to a commercial for it. The reaction in question, was a shortness of breath, and a tightness, almost weightiness in on my chest. I did not expect for a commercial to have that affect on me. But it did. And it made me anticipate, and in equal measure dread, watching this documentary.
I don't really have any impressions of it, in the half and hour since I finished it. Just sadness. Tears that come and go. Utter shock. Complete dumbfoundedness. And an overwhelming measure of sorrow for those who lost their friends, their siblings, their parents - people whom they loved - in the tragedy.
Thinking about this. Thinking about any event, sport-related, where people died; it gives me pause. As I said previously, my own personal club affiliation doesn't matter. It means nothing. I think of Valley Parade. I think of Heysel. I think of The Ibrox in 1902 and 1971. I think of how those people who went to watch football never returned. I think of Munich in 1958. I think about how Thanatos must be a football fan. Or some equally absurd nonsense. I just think about how this game that I love so much, has so much pain interwoven with the stories of joy.
It has been 25 years, 1 month, and 4 days since the Hillsborough Disaster. 96 Liverpool supporters perished. Plus countless others from the stress, and depression that came about as a result of the resulting investigations and their inefficacy. I can only imagine the heartbreak that these people deal with, on a daily basis. And my heart goes out to them, completely. In hopes that they will eventually find peace, and the justice they seek. And that those who perished will find their demise wasn't in vain. And that they will be vindicated.
