Wynalda Needs the Lipstick...

A few years back I was on my couch relaxing (probably just finished firing off some knuckle children or preparing to do so. Hey it was a boring day, don't judge.) when my good buddy Eric texted me with an idea for a piece he wanted to write. As a former blogger for a few sites I was familiar with his work and have to admit, I was a fan. While not a supporter of a club I have fond feelings for (absolutely hate) his work was always well thought out and very articulate in my opinion. He then mentioned starting his own site and tossed out the idea of me joining him in this venture. Now on this particular Sunday afternoon I was in the midst of an alcohol infused haze. Admitedly I was a bit fixchased. Whats that youre thinking? Well it's a lot like shitfaced but worse. In this state I thought this was a brilliant idea not taking into account the fact that I absolutely suck as a writer. Suck isn't a strong enough word but I can't think of something stronger. Lets say I suck slightly less than that meth addict hooker from that Breaking Bad episode that had the montage where she blew everyone within a 5 mile radius. Yeah, her but just a few cocks short. I've always wished I could do it (the writing not the meth and knob slobbing) but it's a skill I sadly lack. After sobering up I wasn't as enthused but said fuck it. I'll give it a shot. A few pieces later I proved my chops at knocking out garbage articles that were more entertaining for how pathetic they were than well written. I fancy myself a great talker but the words don't translate to paper for me like they do Eric. Fast forward to present and he is back doing his thing and busting out great pieces.He has asked me to do what I can and stink the place up worse than a white castle fart again so I decided to oblige in hopes that it might inspire more form him and help keep things rolling in the right direction. As most of you know my beloved Arsenal finally ended the trophy drought this past weekend and there are a few points I'd like to touch on so continue at your own risk and hopefully you'll bear with me and find amusement in my ramblings.

   Why am I still doubting Arsene Wenger? Why do we as sports fans always feel we know best when we cleary know dick about the actual goings on? Everyone who knows me well knows that I am the most hard headed asshole around so it probably isn't a shocker when I don't learn. The man admittedly has taken more undeserved shit than a taco bell toilet and it's sad to say numerous times I have been amongst the haters. Like a horrible rap cliche his haters are his motivators though. He has done so much with so little and kept  the boat afloat many years against odds that only a handful of managers could overcome. Yet he still takes shit. He's taken m ore shit than a case of depends in Mexico after some old fucker drank the water. As he took Podolski off for Sanogo I was back amongst the shit giving. Taking off our most clinical finisher for a man who has proven he isn't ready for this level and looks like a newborn horse trying to stand up every time the ball is at his feet while down 1 appeared to be the stupidest move since I tried writing a serious piece for The Razor. By the games end it proved to be the right move. Sanogo brought a pace and physicality against a squad determined to kick us off the field that made the difference on the day. I really think this substitution made the difference that ultimately won us the cup. He even had a part in the winning goal. If this was hockey he would've been given the 2nd assist that other sports don't recognize the importance of. Taking off Cazorla who was our best player on the day was frowned upon by many supporters at the time but I definitely agreed Rosicky brought a pace and drive that was badly needed so I was in agreeance there. So for doubting the most intelligent manager in football I owe Wenger a sincere apology. My parents have 4 dogs which is actually a low number for them. They constantly watch dogs for family who are out of town or have multiple more when myself or my sister visit. To the extent that sometimes there are a dozen dogs at their house. So to a man that has taken more shit than my parents back yard all while constantly winning and doing things the right way and with extreme class,I say sorry boss. I'll try to keepmy ignorant opinions to myself from now on. Can't promise my thick skulled ass will be succesful but I'll try

   Has there ever been a more funloving guy than Lukas Podolski? The man is always smiling and the pictures of him pouring a 40oz Budweiser on Arsene and wearing the top cups lid like a hat while giving the goofiest smiles ever really nailed down the point. Vermaelen dropped the lid while over zealously raising the cup too fast and Lukas knew exactly what to do. I couldn't help but laugh seeing a grown man looking like an exuberant little kid. Also he poured that 40 on Arsene like he was his fallen homie and pouring the beer on him was going to actually bring him back. I loved it.

   Gus Johnson is the man. Fox knew what they were doing when they put him in charge of calling their soccer matches. The man might know jack shit about the game but he brings an excitement only matched by Hispanic announcers that is sorely needed in a sport a majority of Americans find about as exciting and painful as recieving a 90 minute long titty twister. If we could only teach him to yell GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!! he'd be the perfect man for the job. That and he needs to put his foot down and make them cut out the make up. I think Fox is fucking with him by constantly having him look like a trasvestite who is over doing it. Is all that blush and lipstick really necessary? come on Fox.

   On the flip side we have Eric Wynalda. He blows way harder than the hooker from Breaking Bad. I couldn't stand him as an analyst for Fox. He doesn't know shit about shit and spends a majority of his time bashing Arsenal for nogood reason. Listening to his verbal diarrhea as the color commentator I couldn't help but think he is the cuntiest cunt who is currently cunting in the football world until I remembered the existance of John Terry, Luis Suarez, Wayne Rooney, and Jose Morinho. So he's made the top 5. Congratulations you worthless shit head. He had no real insight, no enthusiam,a serious inability to call the match objectively, and sounded like he had no desire to even be there. Put the lipstick and horrible make up on him so he can be seen as the joke he truly is. Apparently across the pond Michael Owen is just as bad if not worse. I have no clue why all the butt hurt but when I get my butt massager company off the ground to cure butt hurt forever I'll send them both one for free to help them get over their chapped asses.

    Aaron Ramsey. The Welsh Jesus. I feel like that's all that needs to be said but after the season he has had I'd love to hump his leg. The man struggled to recover after his horrific leg break a few years back and became the most hated player at the club but he fought through everything to be our best palyer this year and score the game winner. For some reason Diaby is given a pass for never being the same after a broken leg but Ramsey was never forgiven. The double standard was a bit unwarranted but now he is a legend. Well done sir.

   And last but most importantly ARSENAL WON THE CUP!!!! After 9 years of constantly being reminded we haven't won anything we can now send a collective fuuuuuck you! to everyone who felt the need to rub that fact in our collective face. Many clubs have gone much longer but for some reason it has been the stick used to repeatedly bash Arsenal supporters in the nuts with. Wenger is a specialist in failure huh Mourinho? How many trophies did you win this season, you twat? Days later and the excitment of this win is still fresh inside me and I love it. Here's to the upcoming community shield and many more.

Walk on, through the wind, walk on, through the rain...

I just finished the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary on the Hillsborough Disaster. All I am left with, is an overwhelming sadness. Just waves of tears, and hurt, and sorrow.

I have mentioned before, in a previous post on here, that I vaguely recall hearing about the Heysel Disaster on the news, in 1985. That I vaguely recall the concept of the football hooligan being discussed on television in the US. That I vaguely recall brief soundbytes about topics of this nature.

My club affiliation doesn't matter, when it comes to events like this. It's appalling, galling even, that a tragedy of this magnitude could occur. But it leaves me with pause, thankful to think that nothing like this has ever happened in the US, that recalls this horrific event. I cannot fathom, nor even conceptualise how it would have felt to live in the same nation, or region, as such an event. Much less, understand how it must feel to grow up in its shadow. The spectre looming just over the horizon. The proverbial elephant in the room, that has an influence that ripples out beyond the perceivable imagination.

If you have not seen the documentary, it can be found here. It is a documentary that must be seen. I cannot do justice to everything it covers, or relates to. It's that encompassing. And that important an event, that it has shaped so much of modern football.

As I was watching the documentary on YouTube, I was having a passing conversation with my friend Martin, on Facebook. We discussed the manipulations, and distortions that I had been acclimatised to believe. The misinformation that was available to me, in the US, for many years; and how it had shaped my understanding of the event. And just how damned painful the whole tragedy was. The conversation also addressed a few notions I had, relating to the mayhem in Rome in 1984, and Heysel in 1985, and how they factored into what happened. It's one thing to discuss this event with a football supporter from the US. It's another thing to discuss it with a football supporter from the Home Nations. And for that, I am eternally grateful to have the opportunity to have my notions disproven.

I had wanted to watch this special, the night it originally aired. The night of the 25th anniversary of Hillsborough. Due to my own emotional upheaval relating to the pending birth of my son, at that point, I felt it would be in my best interest to postpone watching the documentary. Especially after having a very visceral, gutteral reaction to a commercial for it. The reaction in question, was a shortness of breath, and a tightness, almost weightiness in on my chest. I did not expect for a commercial to have that affect on me. But it did. And it made me anticipate, and in equal measure dread, watching this documentary.

I don't really have any impressions of it, in the half and hour since I finished it. Just sadness. Tears that come and go. Utter shock. Complete dumbfoundedness. And an overwhelming measure of sorrow for those who lost their friends, their siblings, their parents - people whom they loved - in the tragedy.

Thinking about this. Thinking about any event, sport-related, where people died; it gives me pause. As I said previously, my own personal club affiliation doesn't matter. It means nothing. I think of Valley Parade. I think of Heysel. I think of The Ibrox in 1902 and 1971. I think of how those people who went to watch football never returned. I think of Munich in 1958. I think about how Thanatos must be a football fan. Or some equally absurd nonsense. I just think about how this game that I love so much, has so much pain interwoven with the stories of joy.

It has been 25 years, 1 month, and 4 days since the Hillsborough Disaster. 96 Liverpool supporters perished. Plus countless others from the stress, and depression that came about as a result of the resulting investigations and their inefficacy. I can only imagine the heartbreak that these people deal with, on a daily basis. And my heart goes out to them, completely. In hopes that they will eventually find peace, and the justice they seek. And that those who perished will find their demise wasn't in vain. And that they will be vindicated.

Striving to better, oft we mar what's well...

So the Premier League just announced that they'd like to invade the Football League with their B Teams. In a way, adopting a model that has proven successful in Spain, for many years. And hopefully helping to re-establish England as being near the forefront in player development in the football world. Excuse me while I catch my breath from laughing so hard.

The model that this is based upon, considers promotion and relegation as a part of its schematic. If your B Team isn't good enough, they get relegated. If they are good enough, they get promoted. However, the law states that the B Team cannot play in the same division as the First XI. And that's a wonderful idea. Beautiful. Fucking dandy, even. But it won't work in England.

Where do I begin with how fucking stupid the Premier League is? If they are going to consider implementing this as a manner of player development, what happens to the Reserve squads? That's first on my mind. And actually rather important. Second, these teams cannot, and let me stress this with maximum emphasis possible cannot start play in the Football League. The Football League is hallowed. It is revered. It is what all clubs aspire to be, under the 4th level of the pyramid. Premier League B Teams do not deserve the right to start their play directly in the Football League. I don't care if it's Manchester United, Manchester City, Liverpool, or Chelsea. It denigrates the spirit of competition and the fighting for promotion or survival. It completely make a monkey's of the history of the Football League. I mean, worse than Arsenal buying promotion into the First Division over a Spurs club that finished better than them in the table. This is bad.

With that being said, I have been a proponent of the B Team system, after watching how successful it has proven to be with Madrid and Barcelona. Especially Barcelona. But the ideas that the Football Association are wanting to institute, they are fucking madness. A blight upon the game. And yet another blinding example of how the FA really don't understand the modern game of football at all. They're just there to play politics, to swim around in monies paid to them by Premier League clubs to assert their clout, and to charge ridiculous ticket fees for matches at Wembley so that they can pay off the construction of that fucking abomination.

This is the proposal I found, regarding the B Team structure:

The four key proposals are:
• A new League Three to be introduced in 2016-17, combining the top half of the Conference and 10 Premier League B sides.
• A beefed-up homegrown players' rule requiring 13 members of the 25-man squad to have been trained in England as youngsters by 2020-21.
• A more strictly enforced work permit system that would prevent Premier League sides from having more than two non-EU players.
• A new loan system that will allow Premier League clubs to loan up to eight players to a strategic partner below the Championship.
Members of the England Commission said the national side would wither on the vine if the four-pronged plan to bring through more homegrown players was not approved in full.

 Let's address these one by one. The first proposal. No. There doesn't need to be a Fifth Division. There are 20 teams in the Premier League. Use the results of the 2015-16 table to divide the clubs up, and place them into divisions starting with the North West Counties Football League (or geographical equivalent) and make them earn their way into the Football League. If clubs like FC United of Manchester, or AFC Wimbledon have to start this comparatively low, it's only fair that these B Teams go out and prove their salt. Allowing them to start any higher than that, is an insult to all of the clubs who have worked their asses off to earn that spot.

I'm not entirely sure what this second one means. As I'm not entirely sure how long one has to be registered as a player in England, as a youngster, for them to be considered homegrown. Birth certificate notwithstanding. The one thing that I do hope that this does, is force the youngest levels of coaches to actually learn a bit more about tactics and strategy, and stop relying on the tried-and-true Stan Cullis tactic of hoof and chase. Those tactics are lazy. They're uninspired. And they're fucking boring. Just like Man United's insistence upon playing the attack in from the wings. It's stale and predictable. And if England wants a chance to actually develop strong youth players who turn into full internationals, then they need to actually fucking develop them. And to develop tactics that reflect a more modern approach to the game. Ye olde 4-4-2 is great when you're playing Total Football, and you're constantly adapting and changing shape. England are too scared to adapt tactically, thus they have been left behind in terms of international football. So, homegrown players need better homegrown coaches. That should be an important caveat included in this point.

The third point takes me back to the olden days of English exceptionalism. That sort of arrogant xenophobic mindset that England has carried on and off throughout its history when it came to those dastardly foreigners. Non-Eu players makes up a lot of nations. Plus, with the limitations being placed on homegrown talent. I can't figure out if this is a bit of hypocrisy, or if someone wasn't paying attention when they were writing this proposal and just wanted to be direly repetitive. Also, that seems stupid to limit Premier League sides. That doesn't encourage competition for placement on squad lists. It just rewards complacency. And England wonders why its national team is such utter shite. It's because the FA has been utterly complacent about evolving methods for grooming young talent. Because the clubs in the Premier League have grown equally complacent being cash cows, milking whatever bloody cent they can finagle away from their supporters for every last piece of fucking merchandise you can imagine. And in doing so, they haven't had to answer to any glass ceilings or restrictions or caps. They only care about moving units and shilling and whoring to whomever is willing to pay for their overpriced knick-knacks. And more importantly, they have made oodles of money on the backs of international superstars. Since 2000, no English player has won the Premier League Golden Boot. What does that tell you? That depends. To me it says that these internationals want it more.

Loan systems. Fuck the English loan system. It is the stupidest piece of garbage that was ever designed, uttered, implemented, and executed. The English loan system does not train players. It doesn't prepare players. It doesn't groom them. It just leads them to their own brand of complacency, or frustration, or retirement. It's a fucking joke. And it does nothing to develop the player at all. It just relegates a player who could have all sorts of potential, yet needs polishing and refinement, to being viewed as inadequate. I have said, regarding the loan system, that if you wanted to develop younger players through loaning them out, send them out of England! Keeping English players in England doesn't progress footballers. It just leads to a deterioration of their skills. Mostly because there is little in the way of experience that a young footballer could get in England, depending on position and role, that he could not enhance his skills by playing abroad. The variety of styles and philosophies of the game that exist outside the English border, would be a better educational tool than anything. Making these kids go abroad on loan, and work for a place in that club's XI would be nigh-invaluable. It would eliminate, or at least attempt to curb the sense of entitlement, that a lot of young players from bloated Premier League megaliths seem to carry. There is such a vast world of football out there, especially in Europe, that a youth player in England could benefit extensively from the experience he could have in Spain or Germany or France or Italy. Look at Owen Hargreaves, for example. He had proven himself almost invaluable for England when he played. As well as for Man United, when he played. So why not take the risk? Set up affiliate clubs in other domestic leagues, and build from there.

This whole idea that the Premier League has taken to the Football Association is so blithely inept, I'm amazed that the FA are gullible enough to consider it. I hope that the Football League either takes a massive shit on it. Or they say that they'll accept it, with the large caveat thrown in, as to how low down the pyramid these B teams start. It'll dilute the quality of the domestic football, in its first few years, but if these B Teams are forced into fighting for promotion, and earning their place in the Football League, then there's a very strong chance that this could work out splendidly for all parties involved. However, given England's headstrong tendency toward cocking up anything that involves player development, I'm sure this will just prove as large a waste, as David Moyes feels his time at Old Trafford was.

O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts, And men have lost their reason.

On 17 January 2013, I posted this comment on a Guardian blog about Pep Guardiola and Bayern Munich:

After having the sort of success that Pep had at Barca, I'd like to see him try his hand with a smaller club. One with limited resources, in dire need of an overhaul. A club that is floundering in relative obscurity, say two or three divisions down off the top flight. I'd like to see if he has the mettle to navigate promotion and relegation battles, and if he could turn a team of relative nobodies into one as revered as his beloved Catalans.

He's been at the apex of football. I think he should give it a go from a position where the status of the club he inherits is far more ambiguous than a club whose romance dates back to the Spanish Civil War. This isn't necessarily a dig at Barcelona, but it's more of an indictment of this perceived culture amongst football managers, that getting to the top and staying there is more rewarding than (re)building a club from the ground up, and turning them into an institution.

To me, the idea of a "moral crusader", which is an allusion I've seen made with regard to Pep in multiple places - would stay away from a Titan of European football. He would go to a club that he could make a definite, and potentially profound, impact at. There's no impact to be made at a club like Bayern, with all due respect to their history and tradition. They are fairly set in their ways. They have a system in place that has brought them success, in various forms, for the last 40 years. I'm not saying that Pep couldn't do amazing things at Bayern, but I can't see him being name-dropped in the same sentence as the likes of Beckenbauer and Muller.

I'd like to see him manage a club like Preston. They have the history. Or Huddersfield. Or hell, even Burney! Or, just because the romantic in me thinks it would be neat to see, Pro Vercelli. It's all just a pipe dream, though. I doubt that any manager of Pep's profile would want to take the risk of actually putting together a long-term project with a club that would love to have someone with that sort of ambition and vision take charge. I think, in that way, Pep could have cemented his legacy as a football manager. Much in the way that Shankly did at Liverpool, or Clough did at Derby/Forest.

The article was one about how Guardiola, after his year's sabbatical from football, had chosen to return managing in Germany. A place that many, including myself, had thought he wouldn't dare enter. A lot of people I knew had it figured that Pep would take over for Alex Ferguson, when the old war horse retired from Man United. I, personally, was disappointed. I had thought that this man, whom the media did a lot in portraying him as a moral crusader in football, and for football, was cast against type.

Apparently, there has been a bit of ballyhooing about how Bayern may need a shake up. Mostly because the reigning European champions got their business handed to them, in the form of a 5-0 aggregate slaughtering at the hands of Real Madrid. I'm not entirely sure what all of this petulance is all about. Or the escalation that seems to happen between club and manager. And because of the massiveness of that loss, it appears at least one or two people want Pep run out of Munich on a rail. But there is a flaw in this. Considering the aggregate scoreline, Guardiola knows that something different is approaching. A changing of the guard, as it were. And he knows this, because of his history with Real Madrid, as well as his boyhood club's history. There is a significance to the 5-0 scoreline in El Clasico.

I am still skeptical, that Guardiola is the right man for Bayern. I cannot see Bayern changing its system to fit Pep's vision. Especially when you consider that it was Bayern who overtook Ajax as reigning European champions in the 70s, and made Total Football look amateurish against Beckenbauer as sweeper and doom-bringer. Also, considering the draw of the European Cup that season, had Ajax managed to beat CSKA September Flag, I don't know that they would have beaten Bayern. And Bayern would have been their next opposition. But that is also indicative of the change in football philosophy. Rinus Michels' concept of possession-based Total Football was eventually overturned and put to sleep by Bayern's forceful counterattack. Which eventually led into England's dominance, using a similar formula to Bayern's.

Pep Guardiola is a student of that philosophy. Tiki-taka was born out of the lessons that Rinus Michels taught at Ajax. But that system was born by Jimmy Hogan, who influenced the style of play that would eventually help the Mighty Magyars make England show its ass in 1954. It was a system of pass and run, and possession, and space creation. Under Michels, it became Total Football, and gave players a license to play wherever necessary, to create space or close it down, as the play dictated. Johan Cruyff helped instill this philosophy at FC Barcelona, which was what Guardiola was taught during his years there as a player. Tiki-taka was the next evolution of Total Football. And Barcelona regularly made strong, capable clubs look like Academy sides. See: The utter dismantling of Man United in the 2009 and 2011 Champions League finals. This system, Tiki-taka, was adopted and adapted by the Spanish national squad to great effect. So much so that it has won them three major international honors.

While there has been an on-going revolution in football in Spain, Germany has been rebuilding. Rebranding its footballing identity. Through managers like van Gaal, there has been a gradual shift away from the tried and true Beckenbauer counterattack. The move has been more toward a slow adoption of a more possession-based attack. But it hasn't completely taken hold. And because of this, I think that Pep Guardiola is a bad fit at Bayern.

The conceptualisation that Pep has of football, molded by Cruyff, and Michels, and all of the Dutch-cum-Catalan proponents of Total Football; it contrasts starkly with the German vision of football. Almost to the point of friction, if you want to analyse it that extensively. And this is something that a lot of people tend to miss. Especially the media. They're so busy tabloiding every little breath and error that managers make, and escalating every club decision into a nuclear war; that they tend to miss out on the underlying reasons.

This goes on all the time in the media, in fact. They hack, they butcher, they mutilate stories. They sensationalise. They shit all over the truth. The best recent example of this is David Moyes and Manchester United. They spent so many hours of articles devoted to the doom and gloom at Man United. They had posts from former coaches, from the Ferguson era mind, who were critical of Moyes, but it only comes off as sour grapes. They spent so much time just banally droning on about how Moyes was at fault. But the media never truly took time to investigate what was going on. They just wanted to sell papers, or get website hits. Because that's all their bottom-line is. What will attract the most readership. And the readers want to be able to go onto their site, and on their blog, and to get into pissing matches with supporters of opposition clubs, or the same club; over their differing views of the current events. The bigger picture doesn't matter. Making money does. But that's business for you.

In the same vain, that's a lot of what is going on with the clubs nowadays. Especially the megalith club hegemony at the summit of European football. They're so damned afraid of losing their spot, of losing that precious television pay out, that they willingly sell their souls to the megacorporations, or the oil barons, or the carpetbaggers and snake-oil salesmen; all promising to bring, or maintain, the level of prosperity the club and its supporters have become accustomed to. And in this process, any charlatan can waltz into a club office with his CV and potentially end up making a big payday when he can't maintain the club's status. In the end, the clubs blame the manager. The players blame the manager. The supporters blame the manager. And the media has to jump in and hammer this point home, to the point of it becoming a deafening din. Especially in how the media stokes the fires. The media propagate the notion that these clubs aren't profligate over these care-taking scapegoats.

Unfortunately, I think that's what is happening to Pep Guardiola. His stature as this philosophical giant in football has seemingly set him apart as a target when it comes to the conflict in his footballing philosophy with Bayern's. Sure, Bayern went out and absolutely destroyed all the competition in the Bundesliga. But they weren't able to overtake the mighty Galacticos from Madrid, and retain their European crown. However, as has been pointed out here, I believe, there hasn't been a repeat winner of a European competition since Madrid won the UEFA Cup in the mid-80s (Editor's Note: According to a previous post on this here blog, AC Milan in '89-90 in the European Cup, and Sevilla in '06-07 defended the UEFA Cup). So, unfortunately, Pep gets caught up in the zeitgeist that is the Real Madrid Rolling Cavalcade of Managers Who Underachieve When They Don't Win Every Trophy in Sight and Traveling Salvation Show. Also unfortunately, a lot of that mentality has been proliferated in the media, since football was invented, way back in 1992. The Sky Sports mentality of oversaturation of football. The invasive nature of the media juggernaut and its desire to have more more more. Odds are that the mountain that has been made out of this proverbial mole-hill, is just a media invention. Player unrest was jumped on and amplified.

If Pep leaves Bayern, who knows where he will go. I stand by the belief about his being a moral crusader of football, however much of a media invention it may be. I think he will find the most success where he can actually implement and evolve his vision. At a club where he is free to build and design to his wildest dreams. And one where he will be supported, no matter what, because the club, the players, and the supporters all understand his long-term vision. In a lot of ways, it's reminds me of Brian Clough at Derby or Forest. Well, only without the ego and Peter Taylor. Time will only tell where this fracas will go, or when it will ensue. But I'm sure as resolute as Pep is about his philosophies on football, so too will Bayern remain stubborn in its face. And we will see a return to form, once Pep has moved on.